Diving in with Louganis and Daley
Everyone is in a tizzy about the Russians shooting down that Malaysian plane — although, frankly, anyone getting on a Malaysia Airlines flight is taking a big risk these days. But I heard a unique spin on the subject from my pal Greg Louganis. The Olympic diving champ has a theory: “Once I learned [some] of the passengers on the flight were on their way to the World AIDS Conference, I [couldn’t] help thinking, there are no mistakes. I was in Moscow for the LGBT Russian Open Games and felt the disdain and disgust, I know it will never be proven but, and I don’t like to put my energy into ‘conspiracy theories’, but I also got an e-mail from the producers of the documentary To Russia with Love; and they felt the same. My heart goes out to all the passengers, but I doubt it was an accident.”
Speaking of Olympic divers, little Tom Daley was named one of Attitude magazine’s Hot 100 … kinda like the Out 100, but with an accent and more foreskin. Tom was even honored with yet another Attitude cover, this time shirtless but in jeans. Says Daley: “I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who voted for me in Attitude’s Hot 100 — it means the world.” Does it? The whole world?
Moving to California, I was tickled by news of the Pride Whopper, a product Burger King sold in a rainbow-colored wrapper in select markets in June to celebrate Gay Pride Month. We’re told that all money raised went to fund the Burger King McLamore Foundation, to provide scholarships to LGBT high school seniors. Needless to say, this whole thing generated a fair amount of negative comments. The American Family Association claims that the product was promoting homosexual conduct, which of course is ludicrous. As someone who’s a Big Mac devotee, I wasn’t even swayed to buy a Whopper (although I’d like one of the wrappers). If they couldn’t convince me to eat a sandwich, I’m pretty sure they’re not gonna be able to convince anyone to switch their sexual orientation.
Also in San Francisco, two gay porn giants have joined forces. The founder of Hot House Entertainment, Steve Scarborough, has announced that he will retire from the industry. To ensure that his legacy will continue, Hot House will be acquired by Falcon Studios (or, more specifically, Falcon/Raging Stallion Studios). This announcement was made by Chris Ward, head of Falcon/Raging Stallions. As Steve said, “Because I came from Falcon and because Chris came from Hot House, I feel this deal is a perfect fit.” Eventually, all gay porn studios will be owned by Falcon. Or Chi Chi La Rue. Or John Rutherford.
There’s a legal situation developing between John Travolta and his ex-lover/pilot, Doug Gotterba, pictured. Doug had announced plans to write a tell-all memoir. He was then reminded by a lawyer that he had signed a confidentiality agreement with Travolta. Or did he? According to Gotterba, there was a draft of a confidentiality agreement that he saw and initialed, but the final draft was never signed nor was it filed with the court. Apparently, a California Appeals Court judge has ruled in his favor — or at least, has allowed that his challenge to the supposed agreement may proceed to trial. I imagine Doug can tell quite a few tales (or tails)!
Sometimes it’s best to bow out instead of trying to continue a legacy. That seems to be the case over at CNN. Network head Jeff Zucker claims that he has no plans to replace Larry King Live (or rather Piers Morgan Tonight) with another gabfest. “We believe that genre is no longer viable. There are just too many outlets with not enough big gets for a pure talk show to thrive any longer.” What we can look forward to is CNN specials from Lisa Ling, John Walsh and our very own Mike Rowe.
Since I’m in Florida this week, I occasionally feel inadequate whilst walking along Miami Beach and seeing the people with better bodies strutting their stuff. And then I saw someone, not exactly strutting. He was, in fact, sitting and stuffing his face. And he was sporting that Pebbles Flintstone hairdo which was certainly a hair-don’t. I was more shocked when I realized that the gent in question was Leonardo DiCaprio. Methinks he’s been eating too much gelato when visiting his Veronese penthouse, which is kitty-corner to my plush but not overly ostentatious palazzo. So if you’ve ever wondered how chunky Leo can get between flicks, do check out our website.
If this season of Dancing with the Stars taught us anything, it was that Cody Simpson is not a star — at least not in the U.S. Dagnabbit, he’s trying, though! Last month, he posted a photo of himself standing completely naked on his balcony. He was photographed from behind — almost like he was waiting for me to show up. And while I missed that golden opportunity, you don’t have to. You can find him at BillyMasters.com.
Sticking with exposed derrières, our Ask Billy question comes from Keith in Baltimore: “I don’t know if you’re a Monty Python fan, but in their final shows last week they sang ‘Every Sperm is Sacred’ and featured a really hot naked guy. We only saw his ass, but what an ass it was! Any idea who he was? Can you at least find a photo?”
I consider myself a somewhat casual Python fan, and I did indeed see Monty Python Live (Mostly). It was hard to miss the hot guy in question, who I believe is the same guy who did some of the other solo bits. While I don’t know his name, I can go one better than post his photo, I can post the whole sketch.
When two bare bottoms are better than one, we’ve certainly reached the end of yet another column. I’ll soon be trading one beachside resort for another. By this time next week, I’ll be at the Filth2Go Beach House in Provincetown, hobnobbing with Liza Minnelli, Alan Cumming, Carol Channing, Tommy Tune and who knows who else? Check out photos on BillyMasters.com, the site that always keeps things above board. If you’ve got a question for me to tackle, send it along and I promise to get back to you before someone forces me to take a Whopper!
Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
You can email Billy at Billy@BillyMasters.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 1, 2014.